im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
send nudes
from the living room?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
