....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
