I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
soo... how was my night?
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