I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
