Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it's like iHOP with fire
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
