You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize
