Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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