Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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