my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He shit in the fireplace
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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