I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we're chasing vodka with high fives
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
