Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
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If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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