I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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