remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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