i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
