Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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