It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
