Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
