Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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