No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
