I cockslap morals
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
