OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
