I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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