She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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