Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
