u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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