If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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