garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
