I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
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easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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