Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
