Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
