i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
