I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
