I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
