True but thats because hes a fetus.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i drank out of a bidet.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
