I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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