you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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