I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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