you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
