I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I smell stomach acid.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
