It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize