Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize