I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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