Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
