you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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