Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
