k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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