So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
