i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
