I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
