Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
