I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
