if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
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I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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