You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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