He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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