I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
