guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
