you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Drunk is not a location!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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