I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
