Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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