just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
