he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
