so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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