Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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