Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
