She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have aggressive nipples.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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