He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
