i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
