this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
is it fun? or sober?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
