Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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