Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
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Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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