If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
