"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
