Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
