I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
