Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
