Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
